Smirting

The crazed drive to outlaw smoking has made it more visible than ever. Where once harried office workers would grab a quick fag in the smoking room or at their desk with the windows wide, they're now driven out into the street so that every passing five year old can see dozens of people smoking at all times and accept it as perfectly normal, nay desirable behaviour.

This has created the new phenomenon of 'smirting' - flirting while smoking. Smoking is cool, we all know that. The cool kids at school were the smokers. The cool guys at the office are smokers. The cool girls want to stay skinny so they're smokers. That's why anyone seeking some fun companionship is going to be out there, in the wind and the rain, with the smokers.

Even if they don't smoke, like me.

So I'm a smirter. I flirt with smokers, all the time hiding my terrible non smoking secret like a social disease or worse, late teenage virginity. Hanging out with the smokers my hair and clothes smell of smoke and I'm accepted into the cool tribe without any risk of lung cancer. It's ideal. It should be marketed as a perfume so you can smell cool with a spritz at a fraction of the cost and with none of the coughing. By the time they find out I'm not a smoker we're lying in bed in post coital bliss and we've already got something bigger to lie about.

Smirting. You know you want to. Smirt with someone sexy today.